He Who Is An Arse
by Svelte Rose
Summary: Despite it being a holiday season…the war between the Gryffindors and the Slytherins are at an all time high. It isn't enough to have to deal with Harry's secret but Hermione also has to deal with a certain blondhaired ferret. Nothing new, really.


**Title:** He Who Is An Ass  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Disclaimer:** This is all JK Rowling's work…I simply took them out of the universe and made them my own for the time being.  
**Author's Notes:** While the requirements were easy enough, I had a hard time deciding which way to go. First, it was going to be a dark fic where someone important dies but then the season giddiness got to me and I decided to make it comedy. I hope it's not fluff since that was one of the requirements so I hope you enjoy the ending that I had for this, Incitata. I'm normally a fluffy person so I hope I did your requirements some justice by making this more comedic than fluffy. I wasn't all to sure what fanon!Draco was but I tried…I'm rather afraid that it came out being more cheesy than comedic but I'm hoping you enjoy it none the less…thank you for your wonderful request- it was so much fun to work with! If you are not happy with this, I would be glad to write another one that fits your style much more.

And I want to give so many thanks to the wonderful gal, Tara, for beta-reading this fanfic for me. She helped me refine my mechanical skills in grammar along with suggesting several, very clever ideas as to how this story could end. I apologize for it seeming so rushed!

**Summary:** Despite it being a holiday season…the war between the Gryffindors and the Slytherins are at an all time high. Hermione knows this and understands it better than anyone, which is why she wants to hug Harry but at the same time, kill the sap for dragging her into his mess. Not to mention, if dealing with Malfoy as Head Boy and Head Girl wasn't enough, she now has to deal with him because he's also privy to their secret.

She hissed in the cold air, her hot breath coming out in small puffs of steam. The wool coat she wore seemed as though it did little to help protect her from the harsh winter air and for the umpteenth time that evening, Hermione Granger cursed herself for not bring her mittens along. Taking her hands out from under her arms, she blew hot breaths of air on them and rubbed her palms together. On her left hand sat her wand, cleverly disguised as a silver band. Despite her current state of discomfort, her amber eyes were sharp, watching for any sort of oddities.

Translation: Anything that might signal her to the appearance of students.

It was her seventh year at Hogwarts and by then, the animosity between the Slytherins and Gryffindors had escalated to an all time high. Malicious pranks were being pulled left, right and centre, and house points were commonly seen in the negatives for both houses. Their shots at the house cup were now non-existent, and even though it came down to Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, neither of them wanted to boast of anything lest they get caught in the crossfire.

In the last year or so, she'd been through the most intense training ever and she imagined that the bags under her eyes were going to be there for the rest of her life. None the less, the advancement she'd made under the teachings of the Order members had been rewarding and Hermione found herself taking all knowledge she could, trading in any leisure activities.

Ron and Harry had gone through the same intense training as she had, or she assumed. With her work load, large amount of classes, and her Head Girl duties, she hardly had any time to see them. Harry had finally sought her out one day, begging her for a favor she knew she did not owe but agreed to do anyway.

With all the work they had as Aurors in training in case any attacks should occur, she wondered how the hell Harry ever found the time or chance to—

"Keeping a watchful eye on the Boy-Who-Lived, Granger?" A snide voice came from her left.

Hermione rolled her eyes and as she dropped her hands to her side, her ring transfigured into her wand. "What is it Malfoy?" She glared at the tall figure, standing dangerously close to her.

His pale grey eyes bore into her as his lips curled up into that infamous Malfoy smirk. "Aren't you getting a little bit rusty?"

Hermione didn't flinch but she couldn't help but agree to his statement. Usually she would've sensed him a good distance away but today, she had registered nothing. "What business do you have being here?"

"The same you have, I imagine." He shrugged carelessly before leaning against the building in a carefree way.

With a quick scan of his body, Hermione could see he was, despite his appearance, just as tense as she was. Unfortunately, he had one up on her since he had just managed to sneak up on her.

"Don't you think it's a bit dangerous standing so close to me? Wouldn't want your cronies to find out you've been standing next to a mudblood," she bit back, hiding her hands under her coat sleeves.

"I already took that into consideration when I agreed to watch Pansy's back so she could shag your boyfriend," he sniffed, a pink tongue darting out to wet his dry lips.

Hermione's cheeks were pale from the cold but they quickly turned bright red and she all but snarled. "Harry's not my _boyfriend,_ Malfoy."

"Whatever Granger. If you had kept a better grip on him, perhaps we wouldn't be in this predicament." He waved his hand flippantly at her, incensing her anger even more.

"Ugh," she muttered. "I'm surprised you care enough about another human being to actually agree to something like this without informing your house of what is going on."

He turned his cold stare at her. "There's a lot about me you don't know."

"Hopefully, I've no need to find out," she responded.

* * *

The next few days or so, Hermione found herself saying yes to Harry's pleadings, watching her friend light up with the most happiness she'd seen during the past few weeks. He had hurried off muttering something about champagne and chocolate, which by all means, she thought, was something out of a horrible romance movie. 

While he did, she found herself drinking a large amount of chamomile tea and cursing when it did nothing to sooth her nerves. While she knew she was indulgent with her friends, reasoning that seeing Harry happy might allow the prophecy to come true even sooner, her warning signs had been going off non-stop.

They would probably die if either house found out. This sort of thing was just not done. It was like a horrible smut novel, the kind that Ginny used to tell her about, where two opposing sides fell in love and through the power of their love, they were able to overcome all obstacles.

Hermione hoped it would be one of those endings and not the sordid tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. Sighing, she went to gulp her tea down before spitting it out and running to put cold water on her scalded tongue.

* * *

Hermione looked at her bottle of champagne, the one Harry had oh-so-graciously shoved in her arms before he ran off into the shack under the whomping willow tree, shutting the door behind him. She held in the urge to stomp her feet and curse her friend, knowing full well she could be sitting in the dorm rooms, finishing the potions essay the oh-so-gracious Professor Snape had assigned them that week. 

"Good, you've got alcohol, I need some." A snippy voice sounded from her left before the bottle was snatched out of her arms and into the arms of he-who-is-an-ass.

"Give it here, Malfoy," She spoke holding her hand out.

He rolled his eyes and sat down on a boulder. "What were you going to do with it anyways? It's not as though you were going to drink it, were you? I'm simply putting it to good use. Plus, if you were thinking of deducting house points from me for drinking underage, I'll deduct house points from you for it being in your possession in the first place."

"That wasn't it. I want some too, you arse."

"…Oh."

* * *

"What the…" 

"Harry, that's a sweet picture they make."

"You're right, the impeccable Malfoy, drooling." There was a snigger. "Funny, I'd assume he could hold his liquor."

"That wasn't champagne, that was your own special brew, Harry. Don't think I don't know you well enough to have given Granger your own work in that champagne bottle. Here you take her, I'll wake Draco up. God, I'm going to kill Draco for getting smashed like this. And what if they were found? We could've been found out too."

"Hush love, let's just get them away from each other. Same time next week?"

"Hmm, same time."

* * *

Hermione woke that night in her Head Girl dorm with a pounding headache. Making her way to the bathroom that she shared with the Head Boy, she threw open the door, only to be blinded by the light and the sight of Draco Malfoy at the urinal. "Gah!" she hollered before slamming the door closed and falling back onto her butt.

* * *

"How was the view last night, Granger?" 

"Shut up Malfoy," she growled under her breath as she finished putting her tie on. Running a quick brush through her bush of a hair, she then tied it up in a bun and picked her eye drops up. Her head still pounded furiously but at least she could pretend that wasn't there, better than she could the bloodshot eyes.

"I'm sure you've never seen any man as well-endowed as I, or any man at all. Oh wait, what about the Weasels...they're a fertile bunch, aren't they?"

She rolled her eyes. "Not that it's any of your business, but that's got nothing to do with size, Malfoy. I'm going to class." Hermione hurried out of the door, leaving a confused Head Boy behind.

"What the…Hey, how would you know?" he hollered after her. Receiving no answer, he shivered in disgust and stopped wondering.

* * *

"Really Granger, what did you mean by 'size' this morning in the bathroom?" 

"Nothing, leave me alone, Malfoy."

"Is the ferret bothering you, Hermione?" a hiss sounded from her left.

The Head Girl winced and shook her head, "No, just Head duties, that's all."

Ron didn't seem satisfied but he was satisfied enough to be quiet.

A few hours later, Gryffindor and Slytherin students would have several hundred points deducted from each of their houses due to a brawl that tore a corridor apart. Ron would suffer a bruised eye and several fractured ribs- he received no remorse from a harried Madame Pomfrey. In fact, everyone involved would receive less than sympathetic treatment from a tired Hogwarts nurse.

* * *

"Harry, this is getting dangerous. I think Slytherin House is starting to suspect something. They were already on the warpath when they found out that Granger was Head Girl with Draco, if they were to find out about us…" 

"Hush, don't worry love, we've got the two of them watching our back for anything that could reveal us. Much as I hate to admit it, I think I would put Malfoy second to Hermione in knowledge and execution of magic."

"True, true."

* * *

"Oh god, please tell me that's not them." 

"That _idiot_. Scarhead forgot the silencing spell!"

Hermione felt nauseous. She gave the embarrassed Head Boy one last look before decorating his shoes with digested bits of their lunch from earlier that afternoon.

* * *

"Oh my, Hermione, seems like you've caught the bug," 

She groaned, shivering yet burning at the same time. Her lips were pale and while she was thirsty, the thought of putting anything near her lips was a nauseating thought. But Madame Pomfrey took no notice and shoved a foul-smelling brew under her nose.

Hermione only drank half before it came back up and all over the hospital bed. "Ugh…" she groaned, passing out.

* * *

Draco wrinkled his nose at the bouquet of roses sitting in the middle of the common room. Sneaking a glance around, he went to the bouquet, checked for any wards, before taking the card in his hands and opening it up. 

He was doing Granger a favor, really he was. She was so sick she could barely open her eyes, much less read.

"Happy Holidays, from your Secret Admirer..." Draco squinted one eye at the card before it went up in flames. "Secret Admirer, must've been the wrong person. There's no way bush-head could possibly have a Secret Admirer."

* * *

The next day, Draco found the room decorated with several bouquets of pink roses. The corner of his lip twitched in a snarl before he gathered them all up in his arms and took the path to the garbage disposal. There was no way he was going to keep waking up to a flower shop. It really did a lot to kill his mood and he couldn't have that.

* * *

Her body felt sore but she had finally been able to stomach that awful brew without it coming back up her throat. Hermione groaned at the prospect of being several days behind in homework but when she looked to her left, the bouquet of sweet-smelling roses did help quite a bit. Snatching the card from the bouquet, she opened it and quickly read the card before turning scarlet and jumping off the bed. "Malfoy!" she hollered, throwing the card down. 

It laid open on top of the hospital bed, with a ragged scrawl reading, "Size does matter. You can't make any good actions without the equipment to follow it. Despite being fertile, Weasel probably lacks in both compartments. You NEED to get better soon, the Head Common room is turning into a god-forsaken flower shop. I need you to tell Weasel to stop sending them. Forever your tormentor, Draco Malfoy."

* * *

"You can't possibly have an admirer." 

"I do, he's been sending gifts for a while."

"How do you know it's not Weasel? And when did that happen?" A horrified voice resounded through the Common room.

"It's not Ron because not everyone can afford summertime flowers in the DEAD of winter. Besides, he's much sweeter. He's more of a 'make for you' type of person. Not that it's any of your busines, Malfoy." She glared at his mock-gagging expression. "Really now, won't you just grow up some?"

"Of course it's my business. I'll have you know I could have been deathly allergic to roses!"

"Well, it's a darn shame that you weren't!"

* * *

Pansy sighed happily as her boyfriend kneaded her knee, the deft hands moving their way up her leg. "I think there's something going on between Draco and Granger." 

Harry stopped his ministrations and blinked, shocked at her. "I don't like the sound of that…What do you mean by 'something going on,'"

"Hmm…don't stop sweetheart. All I'm saying is that there seems to be a bit of tension."

He stared confused at her. "He's Malfoy, there's always been tension."

"But I mean a sexual sort of tension and a girl can always tell."

"WHAT?"

"Wha-hey! Where are you going?"

"To find Hermione!"

* * *

Hermione blew out a frustrated breath, "For the last time," she calmly began, "There is nothing going on between Malfoy and I." She hissed the last part under her breath. "As if I'd touch the ferret…" 

"But Pansy said…"

"I don't care what Parkinson said, which by the way, you need to be careful about because I think Ron's starting to suspect something. He asked me all sorts of questions as to where you are certain times of the day…you know, the same times I've gone missing."

Harry stared concernedly at her before sighing. He would relent for now but from now on, he was certain to watch their interactions more carefully.

Mutual hate for each other had been how he and Pansy had ended up snogging in Snape's classroom one afternoon when they'd served detention together. He knew that all that negative energy jwasn't just about yelling at each other. It certainly was a shock when Pansy had thrown the vial against the wall and goggling at her, he started to scream, "Are you crazy?" before he was bowled over by a hundred pounds of girly flesh.

"I hate you!"

"What the-mmphf." Harry found himself practically being devoured by the Slytherin girl.

Afterwards, he had dashed away as afraid as he had been when Uncle Vernon chased after him one summer with an iron poker. This time, instead of hiding in the room, he made himself at home in the bathroom.

The next day, detention had been tense, but always the aggressor, Pansy took the initiative. Despite being one for many words in school, she certainly had very few- in fact, Harry could still feel the soreness from after she'd practically tackled him for the second time and they began to christen various places in Snape's lab.

He never questioned how she became as such, and she never questioned why he was so accepting. The relationship just was and it was by far one of the only things he looked forward to during his free time. Quidditch, which was usually a fun sport, became more brutal when the war between the Slytherins and Gryffindors became more pronounced. Harry understood Ron's animosity towards the Slytherins. After all, they'd both done their fair share releasing anger when they found out that Draco Malfoy was to become a Head Student with their other best friend.

However, it became tiring after a while and missing Hermione, he sought her out one day with his predicament.

She'd been shocked- the pale face and the pole-axed expression had been proof enough. But somehow, he had worked a plan up with Hermione to keep the others from discovering his relationship with Pansy Parkinson. He never expected Pansy to have the same thought in mind when she recruited Draco Malfoy.

"And you know, if Ginny found out…" she trailed off, a concerned look on her face.

Harry grinned sheepishly as he came back to the present. He had hoped that Ginny would've stopped crushing on him by now. She really was a pretty girl and he knew of several boys who enjoyed her company…

"I know you thought she would've stopped going after you when you told her no but unfortunately, Harry, first loves are hard to let go. If Ron's possessive streak was anything to go by when I was with him, I imagine you will definitely have a tough time with Ginny if she ever finds out."

"But it's not as though I was ever with her!"

Hermione gaped at him. "Are you daft? When you kiss a girl, it's generally assumed there are more serious implications!"

"Well, how was I supposed to know? I thought I was doing her a favor by giving her her first kiss on Valentine's Day, last year!"

"Don't do any more favors, Harry."

"Heh…Pansy said the complete opposite the other day."

"What the- ew! And what are you doing out here? Aren't you supposed to be with her?"

"Oh god…Panse!"

* * *

Draco snarled as he glared at the man-sized teddy bear before him. Looking around, he poked the thing with his foot before it came to life. 

"_All I want for Christmas is you!" _

"What god-awful noise!" Draco reached for his wand, casting a silencing spell around the bear. Looking at the direction of the Head Girl dorm, he waited a few seconds, just to be careful. When he was finally assured that she was not going to pop out any time soon, he reached for the card in the palm of the stuffed animal and carefully opened it up, reading.

"Bleh." He made a distasteful face. "What a poor sap," He began to tuck the card back into the envelope.

"What are you doing?" Hermione fumed, her eyes boring into his back. She became even more angry when he had the nerve to smirk at her.

"Reading the love poem your admirer sent you."

"You insufferable ass!"

* * *

The next few days weren't much better…while Hermione had enjoyed the small gifts she'd received from her 'secret admirer', the bundles and bundles of roses were in abundance- maybe a bit too much. The gesture with the bear was cute but she hated the song it broke out into and really, it was just downright creepy. At first, she'd kept the large stuffed animal in the common room but Malfoy had complained so much about it, she had finally allowed him to take it and have his 'fun' with it… 

Whatever that meant.

It was around this time that her gifts stopped coming, and she was sure Malfoy had something to do with it.

"What did you do with the bear?"

"You're actually talking to a Slytherin?"

Hermione shook her head at him. She glanced at her pocket watch once more before asking again. "Why have my gifts stopped coming?"

"I imagine the bloke finally realized that he's wasting his time. Honestly, who'd ever crush on you?"

"Ugh!" she huffed before turning on her heel angrily and stomping away.

* * *

"Oh, Draco. Let me get Goyle." 

"Good, I've something to discuss with the both of you."

"Oh…" Blink. Blink.

* * *

"'Despite my previous affections for you, I'm afraid I cannot continue any longer as it has become dangerous…?'" Though the words were expressed as a statement, Hermione was puzzled. She quickly scanned further down the card which was not signed with the usual elegant cursive handwriting but a rather shaky one at that. Immediately, she narrowed her eyes and threw the card down on the table, screeching at the top of her lungs. "Malfoy!" 

"If you keep screeching like that, someone might think we were up to illicit activities, Granger."

"If by illicit activities, you mean making someone infertile, then by all means…" She glared at him, her wand in hand.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor for threatening actions!"

"You skeeving little ferret!" The Head Girl launched herself off the ground and went flying through the air towards a bewildered Head Boy.

"Ahhh!"

* * *

"Mr. Malfoy, I imagine you should do your best not to anger Miss Granger anymore?" 

"Yes, yes, whatever. When do my eyebrows grow back?"

"Just take this potion."

"My god, it smells like the bathroom after Goyle--"

"Hold your tongue, Mr. Malfoy!"

* * *

"We all heard what you did, Hermione. That was brilliant, taking one for the team," Ron threw his arms around her shoulders. 

Hermione picked his hand off her shoulder and smiled with her green teeth (courtesy of an eyebrow-less ferret), "Thank you,"

* * *

"Malfoy has become rather concerned with Hermione's welfare," Harry mused, his arms circling his girlfriend. "I'm not sure I like it…though I'm glad he did get the creepy gifts to stop coming." 

Pansy nodded. "Give them a few months,"

"What- ew! That would never happen!"

"Of course not, dear," came the absolutely indulgent tone.

* * *

Hermione rubbed her numb hands together and knew that after all the instances of looking out for Harry while he was incognito with Pansy, she would've learned to bring gloves. It wasn't as though winter was exactly kind at Hogwarts…it was just like the Muggle world- bitingly cold. Her sour mood helped nothing. That itself was crazy- she wasn't usually this unhappy- she believed she would rather they go back to the days when she and Malfoy saw very little of each other, and when they did see each other, the interactions were usually arguments loud enough for even Beauxbatons to hear, and that they weren't about his ability in bed or how Ron was in bed- really! As if she'd know. 

Grey orbs stared at her as he leaned comfortably against the stone wall. "Haven't you thought of a warming spell?"

If the widening pupils didn't notify him of her answer, Hermione's jaw hitting the floor was certainly notification enough. Of course, how could she not have thought of such a simple thing in the first place? She had been so occupied with difficult spells left, right and centre that doing things with basic, simple spells was not part of her reasoning.

Draco gaped at her. "How is it that you're Head Girl, supposedly the _most clever witch of our times_," he said the last part in a high falsetto voice, "and not remember to do a simple warming spell?"

Practically growling, the girl in question executed the spell and turned her full glare at her unfortunate companion. "Malfoy, stop breathing like an elephant. We don't want to alert anyone that we're up here, and why are you always standing _so_ close?" She pushed him again and none too gently.

Draco glared back at her as he stumbled over the first step, catching hold of the banister before he went tumbling down three flights of stairs. It didn't matter, he knew just how well to irk Granger and that wasn't blasting her to oblivion. Lowering his voice into a deep, husky one, he responded, "Just waiting for you to drop your guard. I'd be careful, Granger…"

Ignoring the sickening feeling in her stomach when she saw that she almost pushed him to his death, she blushed in anger and took a defensive stance, hands on her waist. "What's that suppose to mean?"

"You're smart, I'm sure you can think up hundreds of possibilities." Draco then waggled his eyebrows at her.

Hermione looked away and crossed her arms around her chest, somewhat feeling a bit vulnerable. A familiar thump-thump-thump was heard and the same sickening feeling she had in her stomach arose before she wailed, "God! Did they forget the silencing spell again? And why, of all places, did they pick the Astronomy tower?"

"You are absolutely clean of all common sense! The Astronomy tower is one of the best places for a rendez vous between two people- don't tell me Weasel never brought you here!" He goggled at her, "Though I wouldn't put it past him to not know of these things…that boy is certainly a deft one. Silencio!"

Glad to not be privy to the sounds of her best friend's lovemaking anymore, Hermione stomped her foot childishly and glared at him. "Stop it with all the remarks about mine and Ron's love life. That was back in fifth year, it's not as though we ever really got together!" While she hated herself for agreeing with him about Ron's lack of skill in that area, she wanted to kick herself for revealing that last bit.

Draco was certainly taken back. "Then you really are a prude!" A cackle came forth from his lips.

"YOU ARE INSUFFERABLE!" She did the next best thing she could, short of getting her expelled from school and that was viciously kicking snow at him. "It. Is. None. Of. Your. BUSINESS!" How snow had managed to get all the way up here on the stairs was beyond Hermione's comprehension, but she wasn't one to question the laws of physics on what was actually a great weapon.

Draco danced back. "Wha-whoa-hey! These are Armani slacks I'll have you know! No no no! That's mud!" He howled before jumping up and running up the stairs and away from the raving _lunatic_.

Hermione followed him, red spots dancing in front of her eyes and hands held out in a claw-like posture. "You, with all your talk of sexual experience- I know for a FACT that despite you having been 'around,'" she made little 'quoting' gestures with her fingers, "you're still a _virgin_! You little…" she paused, struggling with the insult, "mummy's boy!"

His mouth dropped.

"You don't think girls talk, Malfoy? I'll have you know that Lavender, Parvati Patil, and a good number of girls I know, have access to this great network called 'gossip'. Houses don't matter! In fact, the only sort of people it matters to, right now, is infantile little boys like you lot who can't find other, more constructive ways of dealing with your overload in testosterone!"

Draco's mouth still had not closed. He dared not move…the crazy Muggle bitch was right up in his face, hands on either side of his head…if he didn't know better, he'd—

"Draco?" Blaise gasped as he and his prefect partner, Anthony Goldstein from the Ravenclaw house, gaped at the two silent Heads. "What are-" Never in all his time patrolling as a prefect had he ever come across such a public display of-

"Oh, ho ho ho…" Anthony cackled, his sharp eyes taking in every detail- from Draco's rumpled paints, his deer-in-headlights look, and the green and silver tie clutched tightly in a flushed Hermione's hand. If the Head Boy's appearance wasn't enough to go by, the Head Girl's only magnified the impression. Hermione's frizzy hair was messier than usual, one leg had somehow mad its way between Draco's legs, her chest was pressed up against his, and her lips were wet from all the hollering she had just done, giving the impression that she'd been licking it for much more lascivious reasons.

Honestly, who would've thought that the news those scared little first-years brought to him would give him a chance to witness such a delectable sight? First-years were always scared of the random sounds the castle made and usually, they turned out to be shutters banging aimlessly in the wind. This certainly was not _nothing_. It would most definitely incense the rivalry between the Gryffindors and Slytherins; he had always found their brawls amusing to hear and even better to watch. Not to mention, he would be able to collect his bet from Justin Finchley.

Blaise, on the other hand, cursed his best friend for being caught in such a situation. He, too, was tired of the feud and for once, would have liked to _actually_ sleep rather than drift in and out of it, while his roommates plotted their next prank on the Gryffindors. "Shit!" he cursed loudly, throwing his hands in the air and squeezing his eyes shut in irritation.

Anthony had not ceased his cackling. In fact, it turned into a raucous chortle, which had him snorting heavily at random intervals.

* * *

The next few weeks, Madame Pomfrey heavily considered her resignation to the Head Master at the end of the year. She even summoned the papers, but unfortunately, that was all she had time for. All of her other time was spent healing the constant swarm of battered red and golden robed Gryffindor students. They had to be kept apart from the never ending entry of the bruised green and silver robed Slytherin students.

* * *

"Freckled geek!" Thomas Nott screamed, mostly due to the pain from the bone growing potion Madame Pomfrey had shoved down his throat. 

He, Ronald Weasley, was stuck wearing some contraption because somehow, he'd sprained his neck. The details were still a bit foggy. It must've been the fall he suffered from his broom during a rather brutal (and very illegal) match against the Slytherins during the dead of night. He couldn't believe that when the professors and Head Master actually found an entire injured lot of them, they actually believed it was because the quaffles got out of hand. And bloody hell! Wasn't there some sort of spell for this?

"Wot?" Goyle bellowed in his deep baritone voice. "That doesn't even make sense!" Immediately after, he winced and clutched his bandaged head. He could've sworn he saw little Dumbledores doing the salsa in front of him.

"Nothing ever makes sense to you, stupid bint!" shouted Seamus in a raspy voice. He was suffering a bruised neck and several broken teeth in the process of growing back. While Ron received his injuries from the unofficial Quidditch match, Seamus had received his own from a brawl that had broken out at Hogsmeade. Least to say, Hogwarts students, especially those sporting Gryffindor and Slytherin robes, would not be going there for butterbeer or firewhiskey anytime soon. …Or anything else for that matter. Detentions were being handed out left and right. The trophy room never looked so polished and Filch had a creepy-sort of glee about him.

At this, the entire room broke out into a loud cursing match. The most prone ones tried wiggling their way out of bed but gravity won over and they dropped to the ground like heavy potato sacks. Those who could, would immediately bow over in pain due to the injuries they had sustained from the previous encounters.

All the while, a little first-year who was suffering a paper cut on his finger stared teary-eyed at the spectacle, wishing for the winter vacation to hurry up and come. He would rather not come back to Hogwarts for the second semester, if he could help it.

**Three things you want your fic to include:** A gift from a stranger, jealousy, champagne  
**Three things you do not want your fic to include:** Fluff/sappiness, makeover!hermione, fanon!Draco  
**Anything specific that you do not want to write:** fluff/sappiness, extreme angst

**Thank-you for Celebrating the Season with Draco and Hermione!**

**Note: **This was a request I did for the Holiday Exchange over at the Live Journal community dmhgficexchange. There is a SLEW of wonderful fics people did for each other, far bette than this one that you've just read! So hop on over and feast your eyes, lovelies! Thanks for the time!


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